just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
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God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that