used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think your dad took our porno
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
