Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
