I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
