I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
