kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
