and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
