my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
