U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
