Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I need a beard to bite.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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