Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize