I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
