Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
