Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
