and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
