They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
