i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
