Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
