You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
