your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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