He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
