I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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