I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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