So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
