i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
