Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
