just come out here and I will go home with you...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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