hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
