So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
two words: eviction party
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
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Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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