i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
