My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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