Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
