He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize