my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
