We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
