god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
