I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
