false alarm. still invincible.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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