I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
