I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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