I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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