On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
