my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
