My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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