Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
