Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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