We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
