she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she looked like the before picture.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
