So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
