the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
