i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
