Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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