I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
