***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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