We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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