He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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