my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
