and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
