Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
