hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
