butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think your dad took our porno
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
