Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
