I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
