Apparently you make a good broom.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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