please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
