Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
