Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
