if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
