so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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