his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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