soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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