I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
