Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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