last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
