There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
