2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
this is an emotional support booty call
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
