I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
