Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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