literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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