Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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