i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Randomize
