So drunk its hurt
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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