What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
